Saturday, August 30, 2008

The Obama Promise

If you're like me you prefer the Reader's Digest version of most political speeches. I have spent the last few days condensing Obama's vision:

"America, blah, blah blah blah, eat the rich people, blah blah blah, Global warming, blah blah blah. Tax big oil, blah blah blah, and blah. Make nice with mean people in Iran and North Korea. Blah blah blah and blah. A chicken and some pot and every child gets a pony!"

You're welcome!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

The Really Big Show

I expected Obama to arrive on a cloud, surrounded by angelic trumpeters.

No, Sheryl Crow and Stevie Wonder don't count.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Medical Mystery?

Scientists, using boatloads of grant money, come up with answers that I could have told them if they'd just bothered to ask me.
For example, a recent report: "Scientists discover the cause of Post-Partum Depression."

Hey, Brainiacs: "I'll take Babies for $200, Alex."

Exactly zero women who have never given birth experience Post-Partum Depression.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Quote O'the Day

Jesse Jackson Jr.: "No one wants an angry African-American man in the White House."

How about an Angry, White, Middle-aged Menopausal Woman with access to nuclear weapons?
I'm just sayin', it coulda happened.

My Dream Team

If it was up to me (relax- it's not) Hillary Clinton would have been Obama's VP choice. Not because I like either of them, I think it would supply comedians with joke material for at least 4 yrs.
Will Clinton Supporters aka P.U.M.A (Party Unity My Ass) live up to their name?
I can only hope that the next 4 days in Denver will provide enough hostility to make Iraq look like a drive-by shooting on the east side of town. I'm still hoping for a knife-fight between Bill Clinton and Bill Richardson. That Judas!
A girl can dream.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Skeet Death Toll Rises

Why must innocent Skeet be killed by athletes with firearms to win Olympic medals? Can't they just shoot at targets? Or beer bottles? Or pigeons?
Folks used to go on snipe hunts. Nobody does that anymore, I guess because the snipe were over-hunted and are now extinct. It's all very sad.

Is She Gone?

I thought the old broad would never leave! Finally I have an opportunity to tell you what I'm really thinking. Like the time she . . . OH Crap! I just heard her come back. Don't say anything, 'kay?

To My Faithful and Accidental Readers:

I'm going to be away from the blog for a few days so I have left my evil twin, Skippy, to take over for me.

I will not be responsible for any postings Skippy may write that insult, ridicule or contain foul language, unless they're really brilliant and funny. She's kind of a loose cannon but I have no choice. I leave you in her questionable hands.


Kathleen Flynn

Friday, August 15, 2008

On This Date In History

1769~ Napoleon Bonaparte was born on the island of Corsica.

That's it. Make up your own joke, I got nothin'.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

California Real Estate Offer

Beach cottage with ocean views just steps from the water.
RV parking in rear.
Great fixer-upper
Cash Only

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

The Chinese Did It!

In the spirit of the Chinese Olympic Committee, I have selected this picture to represent me because recent photos reflect a truth that is not in the best interest of our country.

The thoughts and words will continue to be from my current brain, but I'd like for you to pretend I still look this good.

In answer to your anticipated questions: 1)Yes. 2) No. and 3) Yes, but I was very young and needed the money.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Questions O' The Day

Is it just me or does Rielle Hunter (John Edwards' indiscretion) look like Camilla Parker Bowles, Prince Charles' wife and former indiscretion?
Was John Edwards so blinded by his own flame that he didn't look closely at this woman?
How weird is it that both men have last names that are possessive nouns?
Did yet another misogynist screw up Hillary's political future?
Will this affect Brett Favre?

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Irish Wisdom

It's really so simple...
An email from Ireland to their brethren in the States...a point to ponder despite your political affiliation:

We, in Ireland, can't figure out why people are even bothering to hold an election in the United States .

On one side, you have a pants wearing lawyer, married to a lawyer who can't keep his pants on, who just lost a long and heated primary against a lawyer who goes to the wrong church, is married to yet another lawyer who doesn't even like the country her husband wants to run!

Now...On the other side, you have a nice old war hero whose name starts with the appropriate Mc terminology married to a good looking younger woman who owns a beer distributorship.

What in Lord's name are you lads thinking over there in the colonies??