Thursday, April 30, 2009

Green Eggs and Joe?

Say Joe, would you fly on a plane?
I would not, could not!
Are you insane?
Not in a subway
Not on a plane
Not in the rain!
Not in the morning
Not in the night
I would not, could not!
That's not right!
How 'bout a train, Joe
Would you go in a train?
I would not, could not
in a train
I would not, could not
I HAVE a brain!
I would not travel on a train,
not on a boat
not in a plane!
I know about those deadly swine
those germs all mixing up with mine!
Oh, there's so much
I wouldn't do
I'm not a jerk, I'm not a fool!***
***White House Disclaimer: What Joe meant is. . . Actually no one knows what the hell he meant! He doesn't know what he meant! Is there an "off" button on this guy?

Tuesday, April 28, 2009


News Flash: Americans have a constitutional right to be nude in public!

(Aren't these the same folks who are against enhanced torture? Hey guys, Take a look around, you might want to rethink that idea)

Monday, April 27, 2009

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

We're The Bad Guys?

I’m an American
Blame it on me.
Whatever’s gone wrong
In your country-
Blame me

We are the bad guys
(Or so they say)
If your life sucks-
Blame America today

Your people are starving?
They’re dying of aids?
It’s the fault of Americans
In the U.S. of A.

Your shoes do not fit?
Your pants are too tight?
Blame it on America
It’s all right

The Globe keeps on warming?
We’re spoiling the sea?
I’m an American
Blame it on me.

Never Judge a Book By Its Cover!

Monday, April 13, 2009

P.E.T.A. and the Pirates

You know it's just a matter of time before the animal rights group protests the use of SEALS to kill the pirates and rescue Capt. Phillips. PETA will surely be followed by the anti-gun folks forming a protest group against allowing animals to possess assault weapons.

On a similar note: Congress is expected to extend unemployment benefits to seals rescued from aquariums. Benefits will include colorful beach balls and fish. AND, because seals do not have opposable thumbs they'll qualify for Disabled American Rights.
Of course, if they are un-armed they'll have no need for thumbs. It's a slippery slope . . .

Thursday, April 9, 2009


NEW YORK—A new study published in The Journal Of Pediatric Medicine found that a shocking 98 percent of all infants suffer from bipolar disorder. "The majority of our subjects, regardless of size, sex, or race, exhibited extreme mood swings, often crying one minute and then giggling playfully the next," the study's author Dr. Steven Gregory told reporters. "Additionally we found that most babies had trouble concentrating during the day, often struggled to sleep at night, and could not be counted on to take care of themselves—all classic symptoms of manic depression." Gregory added that nearly 100 percent of infants appear to suffer from the poor motor skills and impaired speech associated with Parkinson's disease.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

The Year of the Nuts

First peanuts and now pistachios are suspected of being little nuggets of death.
I must be the only nut left on the shelf that hasn't been recalled!