Cartoon, My Foot!

We all know our borders are more porous than water. I do not encourage illegal immigration so imagine my horror at discovering a secret portal into our land via my 6-yr old granddaughter’s bedroom! Even more shocking is the identity of the "Coyote" who assists them in their unlawful entry: Nickelodeon's cartoon character, Dora the Explorer.

America has been lulled into a false sense of security by Dora’s charm and alleged educational value to our children. It is propaganda, pure and simple! The program began with Dora teaching our children some basic Spanish words and phrases. It has now blossomed into signage in Spanish at that great symbol of all things holy: Sears, Roebuck & Co.

As a result of Dora’s indoctrination, my grandchild knows the correct pronunciation of the card game UNO. Worse yet, Brittney can identify Ecuador on a world map! This child has been schooled in the United States- she shouldn't know where Nebraska is located!

Are you aware that Dora became the first Hispanic character in a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in 2005? Did you know that the majority of illegal immigrants are from Spanish-speaking nations? Coincidence? I think not! It is my theory that all Spanish-speaking illegal immigrants are somehow related to this 7 yr old Latina girl and her friends.

There has been an attempt to steer us away from Dora’s true plan (bringing all Latinos to the U.S.A) by pointing out that Mattel manufactures Dora and her compadres in China. A red herring, my friends. Or should I say a pescado de rojas?: the lead paint is just a ruse to keep us from looking at our neighbors to the south.

I am in no way a "Chicken Little-the-sky-is-falling" fear-monger, but the U.S.A. is in grave danger: Dora is reaching cult-hero status in the manner of Che Guevera. According to her website, Dora is claiming to have saved the mermaids! Children already wear clothing bearing her image. Soon, Hollywood Liberals will sport Dora’s face on their $1000 handbags, T-shirts and man-purses.

My immediate plan is simple: Brittney’s birthday will soon be here. I will provide a piñata of Dora and allow the children to bash it with a stick until the little interloper spills her guts. I'll let you know how it all comes out. So to speak.

That’s another thing: this tradition of blindfolding children and encouraging them to wildly swing a stick at a beloved image so they can get candy. That didn’t come from the hills of West Virginia my friends!